The Daily Gut

MAN THREATENED WITH HEADLESS JELLY BABIES

TWO Tube workers have been cleared of racially harassing a colleague with JELLY BABIES.
A jury took just one hour to acquit Carlo Rozza, 45, and Victor Cooney, 47, at the end of a farcical eight-day trial that cost Ł250,000.

They had denied taunting black colleague Daniel Jean-Marie with black Jelly Babies.

Victor Cooney said the strain had nearly destroyed his marriage and relationship with his children.

the sun

digg this

I have to think that the black guy had a point. When it comes to organized criminal elements - I've read that receiving a decapitated jelly baby is no different than finding a headless fish on your doorstep. So I looked into this strange phenomena, and I uncovered a wider criminal practice that uses candy as veiled threats.

Apparently:

A severed Pixy Stick means you're going to lose a pinky. If there is a box of Tart N TIny's floating in your pool, have someone else start your car. Goobers covered in Lik-M-Aid Fun Dip? That usually means if you don't pay up on an outstanding loan you will be severely punished. Usually with Goobers covered in Lik-M-Aid Fun Dip.

And, according to one of my friends "in the know," finding Boston Beans jammed into a single Red Licorice Pipe does not bode well for your urethra.

A neighbor of mine found a Necco Chocolate Wafer placed inbetween Sugar Lips Wax Chewing Gum. The next day he woke up and someone had glued all his encyclopedias together. To this day, he believes this is connected.

If you find Wonka Bottlecaps all over your front lawn, you will probably lose an eyeball. If there are Atomic Fire Balls in your mail box, your scrotum will be targeted with an intense case of folliculitis. Is there Bit-O-Honey on your front porch, smeared with crushed Lemonheads? That could only mean one thing: an angry dentist. Wake up with an Astro Pop in your rectum? No worries: That happened to me once when I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. Just be more careful.

(Note: I read in the paper that when Wesley Clark found a flattened Clark Bar in his shaving kit after a long trip, he refused to leave his bathroom for seven days. Turned out he actually bought it and flattened it accidentally while packing!)

See you Now, (& Later)!
GG

1 Comments

Email Article