So last Sunday, on America's Election Headquarters, I mentioned how awesome Obama looked playing basketball with the troops. There I described him as Jesus Christ, but with a better jump shot. But yesterday, on Hardball, Chris Mathews has said, basically, the same thing. There, he says how "impressive" Barack looked shooting baskets, as well as how lovely it was too see all those smiling black people welcoming the new Messiah. Chris noted that the troops really didn't want Obama to leave - as if this charming man is really looking out for them.

Which is strange. I mean - Obama is the same guy who railed against the surge – which is winning the war and saving lives. That's why when I look at Obama, I see a man who thinks victory in Iraq makes him seem fallible - and therefore, it's almost too distasteful to address.

Still, he's so damn handsome!

My guess, however, is that all the smiling troops have nothing to do with Barack's politics. Rather, troops spend a lot of time waiting for crap to happen, and they get bored, and famous people are interesting. So they'll come out to see anyone – with the possible exception of Estelle Getty, who passed away this morning (God rest her soul). Seeing Obama in person is like seeing anyone in real life that you've only seen before on TV. One example: Nickelback

The adulation has nothing to do with achievement – it's just an opportunity to marvel at something that previously, was only four inches tall in your living room.

Insert penis joke here.

Anyway, Chris manages to miss all that because he's in the tank for Obama. And he's been in the tank since the totally luscious senator first hit the campaign. Rumor has it Matthews is starting a Myspace group called Straight Men Who Would Marry Obama – with David Gregory as a charter member.

So congratulations, Chris, on being the very first winner of Red Eye's "In the Tank" award. You will receive your prize shortly...a monogrammed pair of knee pads.