This is clearly the progressive equivalent of the Reeses Peanut Butter Cup - where two great tastes - like peanut butter and chocolate - collide into one amazing feast for the senses. I'm refering to a paper published recently that claims global warming is...racist.

There you have it, people: the nexus of outrage - the perfect plank to exert one's own heightened sensitivity on the rest of us until we throw up through our nostrils.

And you know what? It's true. Think about it: global warming raises temperatures...and who gets hit hardest by that? Minority groups who probably own smaller, less expensive air conditioners. While rich white fatcats drive around in air-cooled gold-plated limousines immune to searing outside heat caused in part by sorrow of the homeless, the rest of the world must settle with a gentle breeze created by a pair of swinging oversized fuzzy dice hanging from a rearview.

To almost quote the report, African Americans make up thirteen percent of the U.S. population, yet emit nearly twenty percent less greenhouse gases than us crackers. Also, African Americans are much more vulnerable to climate change consequences like storms, floods, and films featuring Al Gore. Blacks also fall victim to higher energy bills and recessions caused by global energy price shocks...none of which have anything to do global warming - But so what.

So what does this mean? well, even if the panic merchants are right about global warming (and they aren't), humans are still only are a miniscule bit to blame for global warming. The real culprit is the sun, whose own climate change determines everything that happens here. Yes, it's true: the sun is racist.

I'd like to see Al Sharpton boycott that.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.