Trick-or-treating is great fun for anyone under the age of twelve. Dressing up as The Little Mermaid or Batman and getting an orange plastic pumpkin full of otherworldly colored goodies is ninety percent of the fun of Halloween.
However... If you are older than twelve and show up at my door; Expect the hose. I am dressing up as a 1968 Chicago police officer this year. It gives an excuse as to why I have so many hoses and handcuffs around.
I kid, that is stuff I should hide... The fact that someone's basement has no more storage space is too difficult to explain to trick-or-treaters. Anyways, kids want candy not excuses.
Instead, what I will dress up as this Halloween is the smugly lazy eco-journalist. I will wear whatever I wore to the office, slather green paint onto my skin then not fact check anything I write that night.
Americans spend about five billion, not million on Halloween treats. That figure took about thirty seconds to research... and that was after four shots of pumpkin spice schnapps.
Also if anyone has some empty boxes; Leave them in Bryant Park at 3AM. Someone's "stuff" is not exactly going to pack itself by the end of the month. |