"There`s nothing more natural than a beaver."

Those were the exact words of a police spokesman in Poland, after discovering that a gang of those adorable animals were the evil doers behind an illegal logging site.

See, greenies called the cops after they discovered 20 perfectly stacked tree trunks, and others marked for destruction – in a forest in northern Poland.

When the cops followed the trail of a dragged tree, they found a dam, built by these callous little monsters.

Now, did the police arrest the beavers for illegal logging? Did the activists throw paint on the animals? Did Pam Anderson chain her pneumatic, swollen breasts to a spruce as a form of protest?

No, no, and I wish.

In fact, the beavers were allowed to continue their destructive work, despite the pain and suffering they caused mother earth. Worse, observers claim they didn`t even carpool to the site where they raped the planet. I`m willing to bet they didn't even check their tires for proper inflation!

Which leads me to my point: what do you do when nature is worse to nature, than man is?

I mean, animals don`t give a damn about going green – most don`t even have the opposable thumbs necessary for recycling. I personally have witnessed animals urinating on fauna – which over time, actually kills trees. It`s true. It`s why there are no more woody plants outside the set of the View.

It`s what Joy does.

Anyhow, I only bring this up because I`m tired of being told how bad we are for the planet. The fact is, I`m with the beavers on this one: We`re not here for the planet, the planet is here for us. We build shelters, we find food, and we die. The earth, though, always goes on. And anyone who`s arrogant enough to think we make any more real impact than your average beaver – is just "dam" stupid!

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler!