8:03 pm. Obama says there's a rush on food banks. I've never been to a food bank. Do they take squash? I hate squash. If I deposit squash, can I then withdraw a bag of Funyons? (I love Funyons).

He says that only the private sector needs to fix the economy, and you can't rely on the government for solutions. However, in this case....it's the government that's needed to uh, solve this problem.

Now that makes sense perfect sense, if you've just ingested a bottle of cough syrup.

Note: he looks great.

Tax cuts can't solve all problems, especially if they don't benefit rich folks, he says. He claims it's those kind of tax cuts that have caused this crumbling economy.

However, he's wrong. But no matter.

Well, it does matter. Fact is, he spent his entire campaign talking about the difference between Wall Street, and Main Street. But since then - If anything, we've learned: THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE. When Wall Street suffers, so do we. When the rich become poor, the poor become poorer. If you can't see this link, clearly you've been too busy, like me, watching reruns of Dragon's Den.

You should watch Dragon's Den.

Doing little or nothing at all will cause an even greater catastrophe, he says. But, if the idea is a bad idea (like this recovery package) - how can that be better than doing nothing? If I've got the flu, and I have no doctor - I could sit inside and do nothing and ride it out. Or I could do something: go outside and make snow angels. But that would be a bad idea.

This stimulus bill is a snow angel. If you have the flu, of course.

Wow that was a quick opening statement. First question to Jennifer Loven from AP- hey, she looks like a lot of fun. I swear I drank with her once at a bar in the Comfort Suites. She bought me a mudslide.

All this time, I thought it was a drink!

Note: the President is wearing a flag pin. Wasn't that a cynical method to parade one's patriotism? I remember someone saying that awhile ago. Maybe it was my next door neighbor, Tod. He wears shorts in the winter.

It's all about government intervention. But what about the bill itself? Someone ask him about the bill, and how it's going to fix this "gaping hole." (note, that's no reference to the White House Press Corps).

Boy, this is a long answer for poor Jennifer. I hope she brought a tape recorder. Or some licorice. I'm a fan of Red Whips.

He blames everything on the last eight years. That's bipartisanship.

How does he know the names of everyone, even before he calls on them? "Chip Reid!"

back to the bill, and the fact that Repubs disagree with him, which is proof of a lack of bipartisanship - which is a "bad habit," that plagued the last administration. Um, during the last eight years, where did you see most of this lack of bipartisanship? I must have missed it during the unbridled support for President Bush.

Who, by the way, won a war.

Anyhoo, it's all about progress. We need to make progress, not stand by and do nothing. We need a significant recovery package, say PBO, and if you're sincere, then don't look to closely into the "mix," because you'll start noticing pork. And if you notice pork, that's your fault. Not mine.

God I'm confused.

In the time of crisis, weatherizing homes seems a weird priority for a President.
I mean, my President shouldn't even know what "weatherizing" is. But maybe he's that smart. He can juggle thousands of issues, include the priority that is science labs for kids...and weatherizing. (I've just weatherized myself, by putting on a hoodie - cashmere, actually - thank you PBO).

PBO brings up stupid nurses can't read prescriptions! I love those nurses. That means I get vicodin, when I've really come for valtrex!

Doing nothing is not an option! I'm not so sure about that: it keeps girls from getting pregnant! Anyway, boy is he building this crisis up.


PBO is right about one thing: we need to make things. I've just made a cute little hat out of a copy of the VIllage Voice. All the escort ads provide enough shade for my delicate eyes. I believe this has already helped the economy.

He keeps saying this plan will prevent the economy from tanking. But he doesn't say how we're going to go from contracting to growing.

He's doing a good job, anyhow. He's like a guy that shows up after a disaster to tell you where you're family is going to be staying, where to get fresh towels, who's got the donuts, and all that.

Juliana Goldman - from Bloomberg. She seems like a nice person. I'd like to comb her hair, with a big shiny brush. Then we could stay up all night and crank call Chuck Todd!

I need a glass of wine. Hold on.

Banks suck. I went to mine to cash a check today from Pajamas Media (fourteen dollars), and they had to verify my signature. I sat there for ten minutes before they realized I had an account there. Still, I should not have set fire to the planter.

I have no idea what PBO just said about the banks. So lets go to Jake Tapper, which is definitely a porn star name. He used the word "metric" twice. I thought that word was banned after 2002.

It's all about four million jobs, says PBO. But what if those jobs are not necessary? Make-work jobs are actually more debilitating to humanity than unemployment. I would cite statistics, but I fired the guy in charge of that. He wasn't necessary.

Is this really an "unprecedented crisis?" I mean, we're all safe, pudgy and happy. We had too many Starbucks, but not enough McDonalds. What we're seeing is a correction (less Starbucks, more McDonalds).

A question about Afghanistan from Ed Henry at CNN. PBO pronounces Taliban like he's doing Calyspo. Then says he will make sure that terrorist safe havens "will not exist." Okay.

Helene Cooper from the New York Times. Love the scarf Helene! Tim Geithner is going to be "terrific" tomorrow!

Oh, there's Major Garrett, looking all Majory. He brought up Biden's speech about how he said the administration would get "30 percent" of "it" wrong. Oh, Biden! Poor PBO: "I don't remember what Joe was referring to, not surprisingly." Joe is like your crazy uncle, always saying crap you have to smooth over later. At least he doesn't flash the help. Yet.

Michael Fletcher from Wapo. And he's asking him about A-Rod's steroid admission. What's next? Lindsey Lohan's problematic relationship with her dad?

Here comes Helen Thomas - God she's sexy! In her question about Pakistan, she refers to terrorists as "socalled" terrorists! Nice one you old stinky bat.

Sam Stein from Huffpo. How the hell did he get in there! Oh get this: it's about the criminality of the Bush Administration! What a surprise. This is the real story: for most of these lefties, the election now is not about moving forward but looking backward. PBO basically dismissed him.

PBO is doing a decent job, but it feels orchestrated, which is no surprise.

But he ends with "thank you guys." How sexist is that?

God that was long.

The White House Press Corps seemed like zombies. No hard questions. Nothing.

Bye bye!