So when I was about ten, I had to go to a lousy summer school, where they grouped all the students together, regardless of age. There, I sat next to this older kid named Patrick, who enjoyed tormenting me daily in our leather class (it`s not what you think: we made wallets and belts).

Every day, the jerk would wait for me after school, and demand money from me, which I refused, even as his threats became more brazen. Finally, however, I gave him 50 cents, and he seemed to like me. He patted me on the back.

But then, he ran me over on his bike.

I only bring this up because I now see Obama regularly engaging in dialogue with bullies - who for years have been crapping all over America. I hope Obama knows that "dialogue," and friendly handshakes mean nothing to them. Because if there`s one thing I`ve learned: you can`t rehab a bully. Bullies cannot afford to change, because their power exists only through fear, not through competence, confidence or popularity. I mean, things are so bad for Chavez at home, that shaking a fist at America is all he can do to keep the spotlight off his own corruptive incompetence.

But what`s even worse: Chavez is a turd-shaped bully we could destroy in our sleep – which is precisely why he keeps bullying. He knows that being the David to our Goliath guarantees victimhood if we decide to shut him up.

But by lecturing us on what`s wrong with America, Chavez is giving Obama a golden opportunity to do something we`d all love to see: to stand up for America, by flattening Hugo like a frittata.

I for one, would like to see if there`s something underneath Obama`s suit, other than well-sculpted abs.