So, when it comes to empathy, I`ve lost all empathy. Yep, I`m over it – at least when it comes to the modern version, which seems less like empathy and more like exclusion. Imagine original "empathy" as a giant club where everyone understands the way life is - that no matter where you come from, there will always be suffering, loss and ultimately, death. Empathy these days, however, is like a row of smaller night clubs, where you only get in if you look exactly like the club`s respective bouncers.

As a short, white guy with a weird late night show – I suppose I should only empathize with other short white guys with weird late night shows. I certainly cannot empathize with a Latina, or a black person, or anyone else for that matter – because in the oppressed/oppressor Marxist model, my racial identity is deemed far more important than our shared humanity. I know: I am a Caucasian white male. Not a real human being.

But that`s not how empathy is supposed to work. I mean, if you lost a parent, you can empathize with someone, black or white, who lost a parent. If you`re short you can empathize with short people - even if they're from Spain (true). If your Japanese friend loses a job, you empathize – because you remember how that felt when it happened to you (and you're not even Japanese!). Married men empathize with ALL married man, regardless of ethnic identity. Women empathize with all women across the board, because men are a pain in the ass to live with. You see, empathy was supposed to be inclusive – a way to initiate contact with others, instead of excluding those who don`t seem to fit.

Empathy – as I also remember - was why dudes at bars listen to sob stories from hot chicks about their stymied modeling career. It truly is amazing how all men can empathize with women half their age looking to advance their careers.

Turn on any station that still plays music videos – and watch as young women showing too much skin try to fake tears over the harshness of life. You probably can`t empathize with them, can you? But you would if it meant getting lucky. Bill Clinton once defined empathy so perfectly: "I feel your pain." And boy did he.

He`d make a great judge!