If USA Today were not given out at every hotel in America it would have stopped being solvent a decade ago. Pro tip, it is often softer than the toilet paper at many of there same hotels.

Natalie Del Conte she knows bytes like I know bites. Bill is a little too toothy people.



Jim Nortion, he is the author of I Hate Your Guts, a book I like to read while visiting the graves of houseboys.



Alison Rosen she is cuter than a smurf gutting a my little pony.

Bill Schultz...he knows Ebonics like Walt Disney knows Cryonics.

The reason I tune in to FOXNEWS is to Jamie Colby tell me how people who are swimming in the surf in FL are getting attacked by sharks! EEEK! I love a girl who reports the news without letting the facts get in her way.

Us with oldtimers like it when they repeat stuff over again, when they repeat stuff over again, like Red Eye on weekends. Keeps our minds sharp. Reruns make for good deja vu.

Welcome to browneye, its like snowblowing, but the white stuff isn't snow

Natalie Del Conte, if beauty were coffee beans, I'd grind her every morning

Bill Schulz, he is fluent in zero languages

Jim Norton, if hilarity were a sub shop, I'd ask him for double meat

Alison Rosen, if wit were a portfolio, I'd keep my favorite pen inside her

You might say USA today is pulp fiction. Or fiction that is mostly pulped.



Greg is right about the high school thing, when I used to travel and got this at various hotels the front page headline was invariably "stay cool" or "best friends forever!"

Only if I were Robert Redford...

Alison Rosen, if intelligence were the Sundance Film Festival many starving film makers would be in her.

USA Today is really too bland to ever be offensive in a long-term way, like say, the editorial decisions of The New York Times are. You're never mad enough to cancel your subscription, but you're only reading it in a hotel to begin with.



On the other hand, a USA Today test of vibrating cock rings would be different enough to bring the readers in. Or the houseboy serial killers.

Dust: USA today can be used as a cock ring if one knows the ancient mystical art of origami. Aw crap I said too much. Wish Pow and Lamont were here to keep me outta trouble.

Dark : I can try emailing them if you like.

Natalie Del Conte: she's hotter than two Care Bears spit-roasting Rainbow Brite.



Jim Norton: He makes Patton Oswalt look like Carlos Mencia



Bill Schulz: He loves to make babies cry. Or, at least, men dressed as babies!

Geez guys, if you really need cock rings, all you have to do is ask:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qb-Kh1oJSGE

I know that place it is right by:



www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XbCWmY0eqY



That was hilarious Otis!

Alison Rosen~If her good looks and a great sense of humor were a Bowling Ball--Leagues of drunken men would take turns sticking their fingers in her on Friday and Saturday nights.

Alison Rosen, if beauty were a pair of glasses, she could sit on my face all day.

Natalie Del Conte, she's the reason why the hardrive is hard.

Otis:

Massive stock -- enormous, huge, some might even say swollen, in that warehouse. But I think Greg and Jim Norton are among the few who have access to the imported, vibrating ones:

struff.com/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=1045213&postcount=1

And here I thought Greg was just really cold that one show.