Eminem. That's ebonics for enema.

Glad to see someone finally de-bunked Rollins. That turd's been polished more than my grandma's silver.

Still a turd.

Patti Ann Browne, if sexiness were a popsicle she would come on two sticks so you could share her with a friend.



Patti Ann Browne, she is so cute baby bunnies send her hate mail.



Patti Ann Browne, she is so bright that when people are dying they try to go to her.



Red Eye, it is like the TSA, but with more body cavity searches.

Mike Baker, if intelligence were airline peanuts he would come in old bags.



Sammy Hagare, he is as musical as parts of me are unuseable.



Bill Schulz, in New York City he is considered dead weight.



Colin Quinn, if hilarity were an elevator secretaries would go down on him at lunch time.



Red Eye, it is like the TSA, but with more body cavity searches.

Actually, if Emma wanted to be really edgy, he'd be in bed and post-coital with a Barack Obama clone.

PAB, if sexiness were dental work, i'd fill her cavities while wearing a mask



Colin, if hilarity were a sledge, little kids' butts would be sore after riding him



mike baker, if intelligence were a basketball game, many mens balls would teeter on his rim before they scored

PAB, if hotness were home repair, i'd fill her holes with my spackle



welcome to redeye, its like countdown, but without the straight jacket



welcome to redeye, its like eminem, but without the enema hose



welcome to redeye, its like full house, if by house you mean houseboy



welcome to redeye, its like the OC, if by OC you mean Oxycontin

Emeinem isn't dead? Wait tha is just his career. Maybe Kid Rock can tour with him.



Colin Quinn he is as funny as I am runny



Mike Baker if toughness were Mt Dew, he would come in a 2 liter bottle



Patti Ann Browne she is so hot that FNC doesn't have a furnace



Sammy Hagar he knows 55 like I know 16.

Dark Urthe

You are genius!

Eminem is about as relavant as a fart in the wind anyway..

Welcome to Red Eye, it's what Hardball & Countdown want to be when they grow up..

PAB, she's so hot, the National Weather Service renamed the heat index the Patti Ann Browne index..

Mike Baker, he's so sharp, bayonets are now called Mike Bakerets..

Bill Schulz, in Bolivia he's considered a compost heap..

Patti Ann Browne, she's so hot, Satan asks her for beauty tips.

Mike Baker, if hilarity were a grill, men would shoot fluid onto him to get him going.

Colin Quinn, he knows Tough Crowd like I know tough trannies.

Sammy Hagar, if musical talent were a pitching machine, I'd fill him with my balls.

Bill Schulz, he's worth less than the NY Times.

Colin Quinn, he's funnier than a clown being impailed by a smurf on the horn of a Unicorn..

Sammy Hagar, if musical genius were a subway tunnel, thousands of people would enter him him daily..

Colin Quinn (!!!): If comedy were a clown college, many eager students would apply for the chance to juggle his balls



Mike Baker: If he were to step away from the table, I`d gladly push his stool in...to avoid blocking the aisle, of course. Safety first, people. Safety first!

Great Gregalogue Greg!!



Great show too! Colin Quinn should be pretty good.

The fire seems to have been stoked under Greg. It's getting heated...and I love it! M&M=little bitch has been.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Jeopardy without all those irritating questions.



Patti Ann Browne, she's so hot that Bill has to wear SPF30 when she sits next to him.



Mike Baker, if intelligence were a Subway sandwich, I'd unwrap him for dinner and enjoy the footlong.

I guess Red Eye doesn't have a studio audience because, unlike Maher and Stewart, Greg doesn't need applause from robots to make him happy. Instead, he gets:



Bill Schulz, in Ireland he's considered a lager.

Colin Quinn, who's as hilarious as I am contagious.

HAPPY 499th EPISODE!!!!



Mike Baker: He knows intelligence taking like I know brownie baking. And mine are REALLY special.