Welcome to Red Eye. It's like Walt Disney's Pocahontas, if by "Pocahontas" you mean "Caligula".



Alison Rosen: She's so hot, menopausal women have Alison Rosen flashes.



Bill Schulz: In Venezuela, he's a jackhammer.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like "Reading Rainbow" if by "Reading" you mean "Humping."



Bill Schulz, in Timbuktu he's a patent leather shoe.

Tobin Smith, he knows credit default swaps like I know blood soaked mops.



Kimberly Guilfoyle, she's so hot the sun is suing her for patent infringement.

Mark Ebner, he knows finger prints like I know breath mints.



Alison Rosen, she's so smokin' the FDA wants the label her with a warning. A naughty, naughty warning.

Kimberly Guilfoyle, she's so hot, we have to have the fire department on standby

The problem is when does speaking ill of a president start sounding all Jimmy Carter like?



Tobin Smith if intelligence were a bull, I would rid ehim at a rodeo... for upwards of 7 seconds.



Kimberly Guilfoyle is so stunning that a villain can only look at her and declare Guilfoyled again (tweaks waxed mustache)



Mark Ebner he is so bright that sun tan lotion has an Ebner SPF



Alison Ros...

Alison Rosen she knows pop culture like I know pop goes the weasel.



Bill Schulz in Cambodia he is considered a refrigerator



Wlcome to Red Eye its like the Love American Style, if by love you meant assault.

Welcome to Red Eye... it's like Sanford and Son, except that all the junk is under a shorty robe.

Kim, if intelligence were a lane change, bicyclists would do her with their left arm.

Alison, if wit were a press conference, athletes would do her after a big game.

Tobin, he knows call options like I know call girls. Relax people; they just happen to be my neighbors.

Mark, he knows reporting like I know hoarding. I have a collection of 1,246 baby troll dolls. I sleep with them (in me).

"Welcome to Red Eye... it's like Sanford and Son, except that all the junk is under a shorty robe."



Awesome!

Welcome to Red Eye - It's like Bonanza - Tobin Smith as Hoss, Andy as Little Joe and Bill plays that wretched cowpoke who can't keep a job. I'm Ben, since I have serious eyebrows.



Kimberly Guilfoyle - she's so hot, she's now the sole cause of global warming!



Bill Schulz - In Canada he's considered a bad beer

You're welcome, sir!

Bill Schulz... in Watts, he's considered a goat.

Tobin Smith; he knows hedge funds like I know hedge animals. Love Topiary Gardens!

Kimberly Guilfoyle; she knows slippery suspect's trials like powdery suspect vials.

Alison Rosen- so cute she causes cancer in kittens

kitten cancer



Kimberly Guilfoyle- if looks could kill, shed be dressed for business.



Bill Shultz- in Cananda, he has a standing gag order.



Redeye- watch while drunk!...... may not be avabile in the UK

good looks Kim, good looks

Mark Ebner; he knows the Rich and Reckless, like I know the poor and feckless.

Alison Rosen; she knows current events, like clowns know big tents.

"But in the end, Mr. Bush still remained diplomatic..."

Funny how those who espouse "Diplomacy" over action prefer demonization over dialogue towards those who disagree. History will view Bush more favorably than the agenda-driven thugocracy that shows nothing but contempt.



Tobin Smith (YES!): He knows charts & graphs like I know verbal gaffes. Oh, those circus peanuts...

Maddow's probably going to have to be pushed back to 10 p.m. EDT tonight, for the 90-minute Special Comment rant Keith's going to deliver (and he'll probably be even more pissed that he got rained on at Bethpage Black today).



Welcome to "Red Eye" -- It's like "Countdown" if by 'down' you mean 'Chocula'.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's just like Green Acres only with an Arnold Ziffle sex tape.



Welcome to Red Eye, it's just like the Addams Family only this time we eviscerated Uncle Fester.



Welcome to Red Eye, it's like How I Met Your Mother, if by Met you mean Sodomized.

Alison Rosen, she's so hot she bakes cakes without an oven.



Alison Rosen, she's so sweet meringues have her for dessert.



Kimberly Guilfoyle, she's so awesome Mega watts are now called Kimberly Guilfoyle watts.



Tobin Smith, if financial genius were a book, I'd bind him in leather.

What I found interesting was that he didn't say Obama's name once that I noticed. That's gonna get picked up on.

Redeye, it's like Bewitched with more Dick changes

Alison Rosen, if wit were crack, I'd do her in a project hallway

Tobin Smith, he knows investing like I know ingesting

Mark Ebner, if investigative journalism were a train, i'd blow his whistle.

Mark Ebner- he knows Quickbooks like Geithner knows elfish looks..........he works for Keebler



ajust your thong- your watching RedEye- its like sweating to the oldies. if by "to" tou mean "on" and by "oldies" you mean "house boys"

Kimberly Guilfoyle, if intelligence were a beret, hipsters would stick their heads in her

Mark Ebner, he knows celebrity secrets like I know celebrity secretions

Bill Schulz, in the 80's he was half a pair of leg warmers

Bush has shown great restraint in being critical of B.O. since leaving office & I admire him for it.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's just like going to a ballgame w/your friends, if by game you mean bondage & ball you mean ballgag..

Kimberly Guilfoyle, she's so hot, supernovas are now called Super Kimberly Guilfoyles..

Alison Rosen, she knows pop culture like I know a throat culture..

Bill Schulz, in Dubai he's considered a speculum..

Bill Schulz, in New Zealand he's considered a secretion.

Rosen - she's so smart, Economics is now called "Rosenomics".



Welcome to Red Eye - it's like a Dirty Boot, if by "Boot" you mean "Old Man Named Greg".



Bill Shulz - in Cabo San Lucas, he's a lime wedge.

Has anyone seen the insightful CNN.com poll --- "Would you like to live on the moon?"

Alison Rosen - she's so hot, suntan lotion now uses ratings based on her measurements...foot size, you dirty people!!!

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Hardball, but without that embarassing tingling.



Alison Rosen, she's so sweet diabetics avoid her.



Bill Schulz; in Wisconsin he's considered a bubbler.

"Alison Rosen - she's so hot, suntan lotion now uses ratings based on her measurements...foot size, you dirty people!!!"



Craig, foot fetishes are highly regarded. No shame here.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like "In Search Of..." if by search you mean denial.

Andrea Tanteros, she's so hot, you can cook souvlaki on her face..

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Hell's Kitchen if by "Kitchen" you mean "basement".

Kimberly Guilfoyle - She's so hot, McDonalds has dchanged the name of their "hotcakes" to "Kimberly Kakes"

Tobin Smith - He knows graphs like I know giraffes (I love the savannah)

Bill Schulz - In Van Nuys, he's considered a shower curtain.

Alison Rosen - If brains and beauty were peanut butter, dogs ...

Alison Rosen - If brains and beauty were peanut butter, dogs would lick her off my nether regions

Carney, I'd lick her but not off of your nether regions.

No offense.

Bill Shulz -- In Capitola, he's the remnants of a bonfire.

"So if he`s asked about them, why not answer?"

So true and so common in daily life. Too many people ask questions only to snipe at the answers. No point arguing with idiots.

I want America and its citizens to succeed. Even Alice The Jerk. Even the idiot savants.

Hopefully, this story broke before tonight's show budget was put together -- Finally, a Democratic candidate Greg can really get behind (preferably in a shorty robe and some soap-on-a-rope):



tinyurl.com/md2kuj

Hopefully, this story broke before tonight's show budget was put together -- Finally, a Democratic candidate Greg can really get behind (preferably in a shorty robe and some soap-on-a-rope):



tinyurl.com/md2kuj

When Bush first left office he said he wasn't going to comment on Obama. I still think he should maintain this policy. Cheney is enough as far as a Bush admin authority figure. I understand that Bush is trying to set the record straight but I think a former president should try and keep out of it.

Is anyone worried about whether the Circus Carneys are succeeding???



Welcome to Red Eye - it's like Pink Popcorn, if by "Popcorn" you mean "Shorty Robe Accessories"

Obama wants to keep focus on Bush so people don't realize he's a bigger disaster.



Also, I love Obama's thin skin towards Fox News. He can't take the heat from 1 news outlet when the rest are blowing him.He'll cave when dealing with the enemy.

speaking of the devil...

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1193941/North-Korea-plan-missile-launch-Hawaii-Independence-Day.html

Alison Rosen so embodies fine that the 3 Stooges are now Alison, Moe and Curly.



Tobin Smith, if financial wizardry were a fishing lure, I'd lock him in a box and use him occasionally. I loves me them bass, people.



Bill Schulz - In Fargo, he's considered a muppet.



Welcome to Red Eye, it's like ICarly if by "Carly" you mean "Deviant".

I have blamed global warming on my bad bowling average for years and now it's affecting golf swing, or maybe it's the democrats.

I BLAME GLOBAL WARMING ON U AND I AM NOT A FAN OF BUSH,BUT AM SORRY THERE IS NO BOUNDRY 4 REALITY FOR THIS SITE..I AM DISAPPOINTED.