Andrea Tantaros, if insight were a punching bag, I'd pound her her for a while at the gym

A-Carp, she's so cute babies pinch her cheeks & say "oooh who's a good girl?"

The Greg Wilson, if hilarity were antibiotics, I\'d take him in the mouth 4 times a day

Welcome to Red Eye! It's like "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" If by "Dreamcoat" you mean "Shorty Robe"



Bill Schulz, in Kentucky he's a jug o' moonshine.

Andrea Tantaros: If insightful commentary were a light bright, little kids would play with her in the dark.

The Greg Wilson: If jokes were a capsized ship, he'd make us all keel over.

Amanda Carpenter: She knows conservative views, like I know Charleston Chews.

Andrea Tantaros, she is so hot that hot dogs are now called Tantaros dogs.



The Greg Wilson if comedic genius were garbage, I would take him in an alley.



Amanda Carpenter if intelligence were a drug habit, I would kick her.



Harry Stein if intelligence were a dead chicken, I would pluck him on my back porch.

RedEye, it's like Happy Days, if by Days you mean Endings

Andrea Tantaros, she's so hot Smokey The Bear once beat her with a shovel for starting a forest fire

Bill Schulz, in Venice Beach he's a dumb bell

Welcome to RedEye: It's like Highway to Heaven. If by highway you mean tunnel and by heaven you mean my basement.

Bill Schulz: In Sweden he's considered fire poker.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Dawson's Creek, if by creek, you mean crack.

The Greg Wilson, if comedic wit were a pair of eggs, I'd beat him with a large fork.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like an Obama press conference, but with 50% less leg-tingling.

Bill Schulz; In Greenland he's a glacier.

Harry's experiences of trying to live as a conservative on the Upper West Side are as harrowing as, say, trying to be a conservative writer on the Huffington Post.



Welcome to Red Eye -- It's like "My Favorite Martian", if by "Martian" you mean "pool boy'.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's just like Two & a Half Men, especially if you count Bill as the half..

Andrea Tantaros, she's so hot, she can broil an entire lamb by just staring at it..

The Greg Wilson, he's so funny, funny bones are now called The Greg Wilson bones..

A-Carp, she's so smart, Mensa applies to enter her..

Bill Schulz, in Boston he's considered a cream pie..

Red Eye:



It's like Queer As Folk,

if by folk, you mean Bill Schulz







The softball game was awesome!

For gg



If wit and charm were yodeling,

I'd do him on the Matterhorn.

Welcome to Red Eye... it's like The Addams Family, with a snarky rag (Pinch) instead of a silent hand (Thing).

Andrea Tantaros; she's so hot, young men use her to weld in auto shop.

Harry Stein; he's so gifted with the written word, librarians read him while on the toilet.

Tantaros - she's so on point, "Turn Right" signs now say "Turn Tantaros".



Bill Shulz - in Redondo, he's sex wax.



Greggy - "I'll do whatever it takes".

Andrea Tantaros,she's the face that launched a thousand ships.



Bill Schulz, he's the face that SANK a thousand ships.



Greg Wilson, if comic genius were a Muppet, I'd manipulate him with my hand.



Amanda Carpenter, if concise political commentary were a comet, I'd see her tail at night.

Bill Schulz, he knows slurs like I know smurfs.



Bill Schulz, in Belgium he's considered Bull Schilz smurf.



Baaad humus!

Andrea Tantaros: She's so hot, around her leather upholstery gets sticky!



Bill Schultz: In Hoboken, he's a bottle of Boone's Farm.



Amanda Carpenter: If clever commentary were golf clubs, she'd be my 3 wood! And my putter.

BE A MAN!! Double up the Gregologues! Can't you pull off a three-way, limp wrist?

Bill Shulz - in Rio, he's a merengue routine.

Welcome to Red Eye - it's like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, if by "Chitty Chitty" you mean "Friday Night at Greg's Houseboy".

Bill Shulz - on the set, he's a Grip's soiled shoelace.