Tucker Carlson: He knows conservative views like I know hard booze.

Harris Faulkner: She knows intelligent commentary like I know tart boysenberries.

Remi Spencer: She knows Doe v. Bolton like I know the legendary Michael Bolton.

RedEye - It's like The McLaughlin Group, only with more soiled diapers.

Bill Schulz - In Laos he's considered a pencil holder.

In all fairness Meg Meg has more than a little mass...



Harris Faulkner she knows reading a telepromtor like I knwo erg speckle mormuseg



Tucker Carlson is fierce commentary were a Yugo, poor people would ride him till he broke down



Remi Spencer she know getting killers differently than I know getting them off.



Oderus Urangus he knows metal like I know petals... oh he loves me not, damn.

I would love to milk Meg Meg's sweater cows.



LOOK MA NO HANDS!

Remi Spencer, she knows objections like I know infections.

Remi Spencer, she knows reviewing discovery like I know redoing recovery. Man, I need a drink.

Tucker Carlson, if intelligence were a typo, uneducated people would do him. Probably without even noticing.

Oderus Urangus, if musical genius were training camp, Terrell Owens would do him without a helmet on

In truth, Michelle Malkin has many followers she doesn't know about - like me, for example. I've become quite adept at hiding in the bushes; that way I don't violate my parole.



Red Eye, it's like Tweeting. If by Tweeting you mean group mental masturbation.

Harris Faulkner, if sexiness were an elementary school I wouldn`t be allowed within 500 feet of her.



Tucker Carlson knows bow ties like I know show guys – and I know some show guys very well.



Remi Spencer, she knows Torts like I know short shorts...which is somehow related to what I said about Tucker.

Oderus Urangus knows cool like I know drool, and whenever we party together I drool a lot.



Bill Shulz, in Berekly he`s considered a roofie.

Spelling correction



Bill Shulz, in Berkeley he`s considered a roofie.

Uh oh MegMac might block Levy on The Twitter for this one.

Remi Spencer, if legal expertise were a welcome mat, I'd lay her outside my front door

Harris Faulkner, if good looks were candy corn, kids would eat her on Halloween

Tucker Carlson, he's so smart his kids have to take a test to stay in the family

Harris Faulkner, she knows breaking news like I know breaking wind..

Remi Spencer, if legal expertise were an ice cream sundae, kids would fight over who gets to have her cherry..

Tucker Carlson, if intelligent commentary were cold cream, thousands of women would have him on their face daily..

Bill Schulz, in Peru he's considered a sand gnat..

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like The Man From UNCLE, if by man, you mean awkward touch.

Call me sexist, but the only thing I want to see of her is her naked body.

Welcome to Red Eye. It's like "Gone in 60 Seconds" if by gone you mean falling down drunk.



Tucker Carlson: He knows bow ties like I know house flies. (I need a maid).



Oderus Urangus: If fearsome riffs were snarling dogs, I'd be his bitch.



Bill Schulz: In Alaska he's a pipeline.

Harris Faulkner, if hotness were a crotchety old man I'd throw my balls over her fence every day.

Gutfeld - get over to the huffpo and read the blog post by Angie Cordeiro for some good material. She lost her job, she refinanced to pay for an environmentally sound metal roof and she's thinking about selling organic lemonade to make money.Much more there to mock.

Welcome to Red Eye... it's like 'Room 222', except with oil and ball gags.



Do you remember that oldie-but-goodie, Big G?!?

In tribute to Cheesy Potatos thoughtful musings:



Bill Schulz... in pencil holders, he's considered a louse.

Bill Schulz... in Madrid he's considered a spanish-fly.

Welcome to Red Eye. It's like "Hell's Kitchen" if by "Kitchen" you mean "Playpen"



Bill Schultz: In Bangkok, he's considered a "turnstile"

Harris Faulkner; she's so hot that tan lines are now known as Harris Faulkner lines.

Tucker Carlson; he knows the power of reporting, like I know the powder for snorting.

Remi Spencer; she's so lovely, Leonardo da Vinci was inspired to paint her smile first (i.e. before the Mona Lisa).

Oderus Urangus; he knows planets and stars, like I know prostitutes and bars.

Welcome to Red Eye!...It's like "Men in Black", if by "Black" you mean "Bondage"....



Remi Spencer...she knows hung juries like I know hung houseboys....



Tucker Carlson....if intelligence were a glass of milk, I'd wipe my mouth after downing him....

Meghan McCain; she knows blogs and snarky rants, like I know logs and crappy pants.

Harris Faulkner;she's so hot that everyone will fall ill of harris faulker disease.



Tucker Carlson;he knows politics, like i know prostitutes



Bill Schulz.a whale



Remi Spencer; knows how to smile better than our very own andy levy

Tucker Carlson, he knows rattling cages like I know defiling them.



GWAR - eh just not into it.



Remi - if a dime represents your only chance at a good attorney, she's as good as a gumball machine.



Bill Shulz - in Milano he's a tack sticking up on the runway.

Welcome to Red Eye - it's like a riding a slow boat to China if by "slow boat" you mean "puffy fun cloud".

Isnt it great when you realize that the Good 'ol USA is not full of Harvard tools and Yalees whining about wine...or whatever.

Bill Schulz, in Pidgin English his name is a swear word.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Air America except people actually listen.

Harris Faulkner, if you could smell sexiness, we'd all be yelling "Hey! Who cut one?!?!"

Remi Spencer, if hotness were calories, I'd eat her until I weighed 400 pounds.

Having more followers on Twitter only means you're a shallow, vain, self-centered douche. Sorry..no prizes..no parting gifts. Good luck with the "book", Ms. McCain. I'll try to stay within the lines when I use my crayons.

Happy Jooday!

I spent a lot of breath defending McCain... and I think I had some merits in doing that... She is young and dumb as a rock... But, but like me at her age, she needs a serious spanking...

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like clips of a basked vintage albums, if by basked you mean 'masked' and by album you mean 'alums'.



Crazy and distressing.

The statement in this clip is a good reason why we shouldn't have government-run anything, let alone health care.



www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqUmuZnmf7A



If the post office is in so much trouble, how exactly is this a justification for the government to take over another aspect of our lives?

oh, and twitter blows - I may be showing my ignorance regarding twitter but how do we know the "tweets" (lame) that came out of Iran were actually coming out of Iran and not Kazakhstan, or Zimbabwe, or Cleveland? How do we know it wasn't some douche in his basement putting out false info?



Huh? Huh? (this last part was meant to be extremely derisive, please take it that way - 'preciate it...

Tucker Carlson, he knows massive tweets like I know soiled sheets...i work in the garden late at night and go to bed without showering people!

Excellent Gregalogue, Sir. You have to love that somebody who talks as much trash as Meghan McCain is so thin skinned. Any criticism automatically makes you a right wing extremist that doesn't understand young people. She may understand young people, but I understand voter behavior. Bad news for Meggie Mac. If it's old and white, it votes. Barack Obama didn't change that.