Greg, don't forget to give Little Jimmy props for his bit on Leno Tuesday.



Welcome to Red Eye -- It's like "The Prisoner of Second Avenue", if by "of" you mean "under" (the basement can hold only so many houseboys, people).

Welcome to Red Eye... it's like What's Happening, if by "happening" you mean "that sore on your mouth?".

Jim Norton; if caustic humor were an achey muscle, I'd rub him hard with my hands.



Kimberly Guilfoyle; she's so hot, Ove Gloves are required to handle her.

Welcome to Red Eye: It's like 'Everybody hates Chris', if by Chris, you mean Kanye.



Welcome to Red Eye: it's like a brown eye, just before a bowel movement, and after a night with Bill.

Carl Cameron; he knows goings-on at the Whitehouse, like I know going in the shithouse.



Bill Schulz... in San Francisco, he's considered a treat.

Jim Norton: If hilarity were a pinata, I would beat him with a stick at my birthday party, probably blindfolded.



Kimberly Guilfoyle: She's so hot, the Calgary Flames have changed their name to the Calgary Guilfoyles.



Carl Cameron: He's so cool, cold sores are now known as Cameron Sores.



John Bolton: He knows diplomacy like Bill knows celibacy.

Jim Norton: He knows punchlines like I know Turpentine.







Kimberly Guilfoyle: She's so gorgeous, her face is the site of the next Olympic Games.







Carl Cameron: If journalistic dedication was a game, he'd score with me, that's for sure.







John Bolton: He knows mustaches like I know Succotash. I smear it all over my body just before bed. What do you think dogs are for?

Bill Schulz; in Victoria's Secret, he's considered a shoplifter.



Jim Norton; if stand-up comedy were a crossword puzzle, senior citizens would do him until it's time for Judge Judy.



John Bolton; If international political expertise were a mustache comb, I'd stroke him until he purred like a kitten.



Kimberly Gilfoyle, she'd so hot, winter has taken a restraining order against her.

Welcome to RE, it's like Goldilocks & the 3 Bears, if by Goldilocks you mean Bill and by 3 Bears you mean 3 Bears..

Kimberly Guilfoyle, she's so hot, when you order a steak, you can get it rare, medium rare or Kimberly Guilfoyle..

Jim Norton, he's funnier than a drunken clown mistaking a smurf for toilet paper..

Carl Cameron, he knows reporting news like know how to avoid paying dues..

Bill Schulz, he makes God cry..

Jim Norton, he\'s got a mouth on him like a weed-wacker.

Doesn\'t he he look/sound like a younger Don Rickles?



John Bolton: He\'s makes sense of international entanglements as well as Pinch makes sense of birdcages.



Kimberly Guilfoyle: She got a big inviting smile like Bill\'s got a big rat\'s nest of hair.

Carl Cameron: He knows political shenanigans like I know how to get house boys out of their cardigans.



Welcome to Red Eye--It's like chips and dip if by dip you mean Bill.

Kimberly Guilfoyle, she's so hot, sinners are doomed to spend eternity in her.

Jim Norton funnier than a clown in a John wayne Gacy costume



Kimberly Guilfoyle she knows the law like I like it raw.



Carl Cameron if political insight were Freshen Up gum many people would pop him in their mouths and hope he bursts



Ambassador Bolton he knows foreing relations like houseboys know unexpectedly long vacations.

Carl Cameron, he has more spit and polish than a porn star getting double-stuffed in the White House.

Bill Schulz, on Christmas, he's a fruitcake.



Kimberly Guilfoyle, she's so hot, she can boil a tea bag in her mouth.

Welcome to RE. It's like Malcolm in the middle if by Malcolm, u mean Greg.



Carl Cameron - he masquerades around like a conservative like bill masquerades around as a woman

I have to say: this ep actually dialed me into the Carl Cameron fantasy club.