Jim Norton, funnier than a clown impaling himself on a unicorn's horn



Diana Falzone, so hot that calzones won't return her calls



Ali Nejad he knows cards like I know bards. It is my favorite class in Dungeons and Dragons people.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like "How I Met Your Mother" if by "met" you mean "abducted."

Diana Falzone - she's so hot, Tabasco puts her on its food

Ali Nejad - He knows bad beats like I know cured meats. It's how I can tell when people are full of bologna.

Bill Schulz - he smells like gloom...and mothballs

Jim Norton - If jokes were a jack-o-lantern, thousands would reach inside him at Halloween.

Any official Fox News video of the Berkeley appearance to go along with the Gregalogue? Or did the city stay a step ahead of Obama and already banned Fox from their boundaries?



Welcome to Red Eye -- It's like "How Stella Got Her Groove Back," if by 'groove' you mean 'clothes'.

Jim Norton: he loves Halloween. It's the one day a year he can entice children with candy and get away with it.



Diana Falzone: She's so hot tailgaters line up to sear their meat on her.



Ali Nejad: if he dated lady gaga would he poker face?

Welcome to Red Eye its like Hee Haw, but nobody ever gets back up in the cornfield.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like CNN with ratings and material.

Wercome to brown eye, it's like 'Couples Retreat' if by Couples you mean Swingers

Bill Schulz, he smells of llama spit and burning hair

Jim Norton, if hilarity were accounting class, I'd learn the double entry procedure from him.

Ali Nejad, he knows a blind stud like I know a blind stud. His name is Gary and his hands are soft.

Welcome to Red Eye... it's like That 70's Show, except the guys wear shorty robes instead of flares.

Jim Norton; if irreverence were a door, I'd twist his knob to gain entry.



Diana Falzone; she knows relationships, like I know mother hips.

Bill Schulz; according to the Obama Whitehouse, he's an epidemic.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like "How I Met Your Mother", if by 'Mother' you mean 'father' & by 'Met' you mean 'kissed'..

Diana Falzone, she's so hot, chili peppers invite her to their family reunions..

Jim Norton, he's funnier than a manic depressive clown giving a comatose smurf a colonoscopy with a toothbrush..

Ali Nejad, he knows card games like I know fast dames..

Bill Schulz, he smells of stale beer & broken dreams..

Jim Norton: If hilarity were Nyquil, I'd swallow him before bedtime.

Welcome to Red Eye: It's like "Drag me to Hell" if by "Hell" you mean "Rehab".

Diana Falzone: She's so hot, people with sore muscles often dip inside her to relax.

Jim Norton: If hilarity were shots of tequila, I'd do him at a bar with a lime in my mouth.

Ali Nejad: He knows pocket aces like I know pocket pool.

Welcome to Red Eye: It's like "Mannix", if by 'nix' you mean 'whore'.

Jim Norton, he's funnier than mixing Ben Gay with Polident.



Diana Falzone, she's so sexy 900 numbers call her.



Bill Schulz, in Colombia he's considered the drug of choice.



Welcome to Red Eye it's like Children of the Corn, without the corn.

Bill Schulz: In high school, he was picked on.... by 4th graders.

"Jim Norton: If hilarity were Nyquil, I'd swallow him before bedtime."



A variant... Jim Norton, If hilarity were NyQuil I would swallow him, then blackout.

Welcome to Red Eye. It's like Escape from New York, if by New York, you mean the trunk of my car.