And you'd use it to wipe off a baby if you had a baby and she needed wiping, its our New York Times Correspondent, Good to see you again Pinch!

Michelle Malkin: She knows the right, like I know the lights. I'm a disco fan people.

Bill Schulz: Ladies and Getnlemen, my repulsive sidekick Bill Schulz! Even the St. Louis Rams think he's a loser.

Barret Swatek: She knows being funny like I know not being funny.

Wow Michelle Malkin, she always seems to have a odd grasp of humor... but this aughta be fun.

Michelle Malkin she know babbling liberals like I know bowns of cereal



Barret Swatek so hot that you need asbestos mittens to... shake her hand



Alex Blagg if cunning whit were a sports drink, I would pound him during a marathon



Remi Spencer she is so sharp that thumb tacks are called Remi Tacks.

Michelle Malkin, she's so cute people watch YouTube videos of her falling asleep now.



Barret Swatek, she's so hot flames extinguish in her presence.



Alex Blagg, if hilarity were a spoon rich babies would be born with him in their mouth.



Remi Spencer, she knows the law like I know a guffaw.

Bill Schulz, even toilet tissue thinks he's icky.



Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Hardball if by hard you mean gag.

Alex Blagg, if hilarity were a (SILVER) spoon rich babies would be born with him in their mouth.

Barret Swatek. If she were a grocery store, elderly men would thump her melons.



Barret Swatek. If she were a bongo, dirty hippies would bang her every night.



Barret Swatek. If she were a wrestler, sweaty men would slam her daily.



Barret Swatek. If she were Egyptian, Moses would part her Red Sea.



Barret Swatek. If she were a roast, chefs would put their meat thermometers in her.

Remi Spencer. She knows criminal laws, like I know fatal flaws.



Remi Spencer. She's so sharp, children are told not to run with her.



Remi Spencer. She knows the felony murder rule like I know goat herder school.



Remi Spencer. She knows criminal convictions like I know long-term addictions.

Welcome to Red Eye -- It's like "La Cage Aux Folles", if by 'Folles' you mean 'houseboys' (or 'domestiques' if you're going to be a linguistic purist about it).

...and you'd turn him into paper mache, if you knew what mache was, it's our New York Times correspondent; good to see you, Pinch.

Michelle Malkin. If acute commentary were a Japanese city, buddhist monks would admire her pagodas.



Michelle Malkin. If brilliant insight were an arsenal, marines would polish her howitzers.



Michele Malkin. If conservative thought were a mountain range, alpinists would climb her Grand Tetons.



Michel Malkin. If sparkling wit were classic TV, men would Ralph Kramden their Beaver Clea...

Michel Malkin. If sparkling wit were classic TV, men would Ralph Kramden their Beaver Cleavers into her Dobie Gillis.

Welcome to Red Eye! It's like Uncle Tom's Cabin if by "Cabin" you mean "sex crimes conviction".



Welcome to Red Eye! It's like "Dead Poets Society" if by poets you mean "Vietnamese houseboys".



Welcome to Red Eye! It's like "Lost in Translation" if by "Translation" you mean "my basement".

Ladies and gentlemen, the Sundance Kid to my Butch Cassidy, Bill Schulz! We're very proud of him: since January he's been tying his own shoes.

dust, awesome intros today!

Welcome to Red Eye... it's like "Family Affair", if by "family" you mean "Meth Addicted Tranny".

Michelle Malkin; she knows the right wing, like I know how to swing. It's fun for adults!



Barret Swatek; she's so hot, volcanos errupt with her.

Alex Blagg; he knows posting blogs, like I know tying hogs. That's code for houseboys.



Remi Spencer; she knows hung juries, like I know flung curries. It's hard to keep it on my plate.

Bill Schulz... his likeness is used as propaganda art.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Monday Night Football, if by 'football' you mean Houseboy whippings..

Michelle Malkin, she so hot, she gives rugs Michelle Malkin burns..

Remi Spencer, she knows the judicial system like I know the digestive system...& that's intimately, people!

Barret Swatek, she's so cute, Keebler elves make sculptures of her out of freshly killed smurfs..

Bill Schulz, he frequently gets mistaken for someone important..

Welcome to Red Eye.....its like Ferris Beuler's Day Off if by "off" you mean chained up to my furnace

Welcome to Red Eye....it's like pretty in pink if by "pink" you mean assless chaps

Welcome to Red Eye.....it's like Appetite for Destruction if by "destruction" you mean my peruvian cabana boy

BTW -- How come O'Reilly gets a Muppet on his show and "Red Eye" doesn't? Especially when the Muppet looks like a better-dressed version of Bill?

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Father Knows Best, if by "Best" you mean "Escort Services".

Welcome to Red Eye. It's like "Goldfinger", if by 'gold' you mean 'pull my'.



Barret Swatek: She's so hot, volcanoes extend her professional courtesy.



Remi Spencer: She knows habeus corpus like I know Bill's talking porpoise.

When are we going to start dending in cloths that Bill has to wear again? I have found a few things that will shame even Bill.



Welcome to RedEye. It's like being under a warm blanket on a cold day if by blanket you mean 400# dominatrix.

You would use him as emergency tissue paper if you were in a pinch, it's out NYT correspondent Pinch.