Diana Falzone so hot that she cake bake a pizza just by glancing at it



Remi Spencer if brains and beauty were the SAT's, teenagers would stay up all night getting ready to do her

Remi Spencer is so hot that solar flares are now called Spencer flares.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Saved by the Bell, if by "Bell" you mean "Restraining Order."



Remi... If legal expertise were a CB radio, truckers would turn her on while driving.



Diana... If beauty were my pool vacuum, she would suck things under water.



Andrew... If intelligence were Keith Olbermann, he would really blow.



Bill Schulz... homeless people donate soap for him.

Welcome to Red Eye -- It's like "Four Weddings and a Funeral", if by 'weddings' you mean 'bodies'.

...and his ideas are appalling while his sales are falling, it's our New York Times correspondent; good to see you, Pinch.

Welcome to Red Eye its like two girls, one cup if by girls you mean houseboys and by cup you mean shallow roadside grave.

Remi Spencer: She is so gracious that she gives The Queen etiquette lessons.

Bill Schulz: He is a role model for hobos.

Diana Falzone, she knows PalTalk like I know bodies lined in chalk.



Remi Spencer, she's hotter than a habanero pepper having sex with Chris Isaak in Hell.



Andrew Wilco, if intelligence were a banjo, I'd be erect while fingering him. I like to stand when I play instruments.



Seth Swirsky, if hilarity were an undercooked meal, I'd spit him out after coming prematurely.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like 'The Ghost Whisperer', if by 'Ghost' you mean Houseboy & by 'Whisperer' you mean torturer..

Remi Spencer, she's so hot, the sun is suing her for copyright infringement..

Diana Falzone, she's hotter than a clutch of rabbits that are in heat...& that's hot, people!

Bill Schulz, fun fact! He's been blacklisted from the internet..

Welcome to Red Eye, an eccentric Victorian flying contraption that runs on tea and scones.



And now its time for the gregalogue... A selection of my choicest beefs, ground up and cooked into a single, well-done burger of protest.



Bill Schulz... he's so gender bent, RuPaul had to check his wikipedia page.

And now for the gregalogue...it's the CliffsNotes of clarity.



Diana Falzone...she's so hot that Mexican restaurants now serve chips and Falzone sauce.

Remi Spencer - She's sweeter than a chocolate bunny leaving a trail of raisinets.



Diana Falzone - She's cuter than Alvin and the Chipmunks being eaten by Hello Kitty.



Seth Swirsky - He knows balls and bats like Andy Levy knows the songs from "Cats." He told Imogen Webber all about them but it didn't help.

Andrew Wilco - He knows musical style like I know being held without trial. Last time I wear a thong in Iran.

Welcome to Red Eye!! It's like 'The Man Who Knew Too Much', if by 'Knew,' you mean 'Blew.'

Welcome to Red Eye, it's Dance Fever if by Dance you mean "I Slept With You Now I Have A"

Seth Swirsky -- It's a good thing Greg doesn't have a lisp.

For Pete's sake, spell his name right: It's W-I-L-K-O-W