The Daily Gut

EGYPTIANS WERE SEX-CRAZED DRUNKS, SAYS JEALOUS EXPERT

Today, it sounds like a spring-break splurge on the order of "Girls Gone Wild": Drink huge quantities of beer, get wasted, indulge in gratuitous sex and pass out - then wake up the next morning with the music blaring and your friends praying that everything will turn out all right.

But back in 1470 B.C., this was the agenda for one of ancient Egypt's most raucous rituals, the "festival of drunkenness," which celebrated nothing less than the salvation of humanity. Archaeologists say they have found evidence amid the ruins of a temple in Luxor that the annual rite featured sex, drugs and the ancient equivalent of rock 'n' roll.

MSNBC

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Geez - i was waiting to use these:

Daily Gut's 9 SUREFIRE EGYPTIAN SEX TIPS!!!

Turn on your guy by wearing something sexy to bed, like a cloth with Osiris painted on it! Wrap it around your body, then add a few sacred amulets ( The Isis knot or the Plummet). Get him in the mood by reading spells from the book of the dead! If spirits arise - slay them!

Why save those sandals for special occasions? Wear them to bed!

Create a sensual mood by getting a straw rug, and perhaps a stool to put on the straw rug!

Hey men - why not switch roles and let her wear the wig? And women, when outlining your eyes with black or green paint - why not mix things up a bit? Add a little henna dye and you're "good to go!"

Making love in the Nile River means you don't have to be a Pharoah to enjoy a rich sex life! (Although if Khufu, Khafre, or Menkuare are reading this - I mean no offense and please do not kill me!)

Write some dirty Hieroglyphics - then punish her severely for reading them!

Before having sex, rinse her body from the Nile, then remove all internal organs. (Note: this tip only applies if you're in the process of mummification)

sit on top of a mule while you have sex (you perched on top, with your legs wrapped around her waist). The vibrations of the terrified animal carry through your sex organs, turning it into a yummy vibrator!

Place a slave under your bottom and you're creating a 26-degree pelvic tilt, which means maximum contact between your lover's body and your sex organ. To spice things up, kill the slave afterward!

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