Every now and then I like to ask our audience provocative questions. Last week, for example, I asked the viewers if I should "move it" or "lose it." Fifty-two percent responded with "move it." Ten percent responded with "lose it." And the remaining 32 percent accused me of being a homosexual. Tonight I have a different question, and it's a simple one I came up with while driving by the orphanage. Should everyone die?

I don't mean that in an existential way. I mean - should everyone, right now, be killed? All of us?

Here's my logic.

Environmentalists tell us that driving SUVs and other vehicles is bad for the planet because of the pollution it causes. But now, new research on climate change says it's actually far worse to walk, than it is to drive. When you walk you burn calories. You replace those calories by eating food, or in my case, inch worms. But it takes a ton of energy to create and transfer food these days - which releases a lot of carbon into the atmosphere. More than your car, actually.

Bottom line: simply by eating, we hurt the planet. Even more: if we exercise, or engage in any kind of athletic endeavor that expends energy, we are actually doing more harm than good. IN fact, by this logic, we should cancel the upcoming Olympics, not simply because it bores us to tears, but because the athletes energy expenditure is enough to kill a million trees, 51 percent of which are probably women in lower socioeconomic groups. I won't even mention the sweatshop labor involved in the production of tube socks. But I just did.

I do not believe the athletes will like having the Olympics canceled- which is why I suggest killing the athletes.

But I also suggest killing other people too, even the round and flabby.

Because in the utopian view of the environmentalist - the planet comes first. And humans cannot actually do ANYTHING, without leaving some kind of so-called carbon footprint. The gas I am passing right now, for example, is probably killing a plant in Tobago. I call that the Buttocks-fly effect. If I had pizza for lunch, i'd call it the Domino's Theory.

Environmentalists will suggest purchasing murky carbon offsets, so you feel less guilty about the 5k race you just performed. But that's every bit as immoral, because the energy needed to create the infrastructure to make such commerce work far outweighs the benefits it might create in some distant future. Make no mistake: it's humans, who are the problem. And it's humans that need to go. I vote that we start with athletes, then move on to performance artists, and then of course, members of the band U2.

Feel free to write me on whether you agree or not.- but please use human blood on biodegradable toilet paper!

THATS MY GUT FEELING