So I'm watching the part of the Oscars where they had our troops overseas introducing the award for best documentary short (which as you know, are short because they're crap) when my roommate, Scott the flight attendant, had an idea for a movie. "It's about terrorists striking the Oscars! Talk about a red carpet - with clumps of Christian Dior, Versace and Valentino everywhere! The only survivors find safe haven under Michael Moore, who oddly enough emerges unscathed. Along With Hilary Swank's teeth."

That's disgusting and offensive, I said. But, still I wondered, how would Hollywood really respond to such an attack? My guess is they would be outraged - then conflicted until uniting together in agreement that it's all Bush's fault. Or rather, Bu$hitler. In the film version, of course, Bruce Willis would come to the rescue, and annihilate every member of al queda. But in reality - Hollywood's desperate need to reject America in favor of tolerating the truly intolerant, means you better accept that it's our fault, not the guys in the suicide vests. (Which by the way, come in a classic two-piece ensemble that's both age-appropriate and elegant.)

But the fact is, because so many movies like "Taxi to the Dark Side" and "No End In Sight" seem to say it's the US that's responsible for everything bad in the world, it's clear that terrorists would never strike in Hollywood. I mean, why target your allies - especially when you're losing?