9 PM - SENATOR BARACK OBAMA, AND SENATOR JOHN MCCAIN, DEBATE, IN MISSISSIPPI.

I'm watching Fox News - and so should you!

FYI - did anyone watch O'Reilly? he used the word "pettifog" as a verb.
That's why he's an American hero.

FYI2: Mike Huckabee was on our floor, in our office. Not as big as you'd think. But in a word: adorable.

BTW - as anyone seen this story: http://www.thelocal.se/14580.html

Track down the video - most disturbing thing I have ever seen in the last 23 hours. Two Swedish chicks, try to kill themselves by throwing themselves into traffic. They survive, despite being hot and Swedish.

Holy Poop! Booze break! (glug)

oh crap - here we go!!! i cant find the screen to my window, so i can smoke - my wife is going to KILL ME!!!

(i have to say, dick morris has been right on everything. EVERYTHING. i think he's the devil.)


Cindi McCain's all in red, and might i say - if anything eases the tension of a debate, it's a hot wife in a red pant suit. Hillary could not pull that off - although after a few drinks - she might try. But enough about fashion.

I hate you. Fashion. I hate you, "fashion."

Side note: Carl Cameron seems like a decent chap. I think I met him at Coachella, before Explosions in the Sky took the stage. But i could have been hallucinating. I see Carl Cameron when I hallucinate.

There he is again. Go away, Carl!!


Major Garrett has the best name, possibly ever. His chin could beat me up - and i'd let it.


So Ted Kennedy is back in the hospital, in Cape Cod. Wonder what that hospital is like...in Cape Cod. Bet it has cable.

But don't take my word on it. Take the Cape Cod Hospital Cable Company's word on it. "We have cable!" is what they'd say.

I like Juan William's haircut. Crisp, clean, and "not quick to anger." I like patient haircuts.

Fred Barnes? Say what you will - but the man can pick a tie.


OH - IT'S STARTING!
where is my wine? Oh - there it is. Gertrude Ford Center! (please come up with a better name)


Jim Lehrer is welcoming us! ('i'd love to see Brokaw pronounce his last name).

HERE ARE THE CANDIDATES.
(btw- they both look delicious, like quality apples.)

(it makes me wonder- do they tie their own ties? I haven't tied a tie in twenty years. I am scared. I also haven't changed a tire...ever. Some other things I haven't done: bungee jumping, Pilates, killing someone).


Jim Lehrer has two little parenthetical remarks under his eyes.

Is it me, or should Jim get rid of the colored post-it notes?

OPENING REMARKS ON ECONOMY

OBAMA - he's hitting all the points. Blame Bush. Boiler plate. But it's clear.


MCCain. mentions Ted kennedy. Both candidates have now used "wall street" and "main street." Tell us why you went back to Washington. It's your trump card!

Obama opens strong, McCain looks tired- and he's got a frog in his throat. He needs to start the fire, to quote Billy Joel.

McCain and Obama need to talk to each other. they're like a shy prom date. God, i had a horrible prom. I liked another girl. and she was with another guy. Ended horribly in a hotel room in San Mateo. I won't get into it here. But there was so much blood.

I had a nosebleed. I get them when i'm nervous.

NEXT QUESTION: FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCES REGARDING FINANCE

McCain's joke about bears falls flat - but it was funny. To me, anyway. But I like bears.

Obama agrees with McCain again. (that's twice, agreeable counters).

Man, this is too controlled. I need to see these guys tussle. It's like a prom date. (wait, this sounds familiar).

McCain nails Obama on pork barrel. I really do wish I could get an actual "pork barrel." A barrel made of pork. I would keep it in my kitchen, and every hour or so, shave a piece off, and have it on a slice of bread.

If you think that's wrong, go back to Estonia.

This needs to get dirty. I hate it when McCain addresses people as "my friends." it's antiquated. Like a medicine show from a spaghetti western. He needs to stop that.

Right now, it's even.

McCain used "festooned." Someone has a Word-a-day calendar!

Seriously, it's a great word. Use it, people. Every damn day.

I am "festooned" with the word "festoon."

NEW QUESTION: WHAT WILL YOU GIVE UP, NOW THAT YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THE FINANCIAL RESCUE PLAN

Obama is admitting in one way, or the other, that all that crap progressives want - ain't going to happen. Though, there will be wind!

Why are we in love with wind power? It's overrated! I've lost so many umbrellas!

Obama says college needs to be affordable. Why do we need to make college affordable? It should be expensive! It's a four year party - PAY FOR IT!!

McCain says "cut spending." Nice little joke about how hard it is to deal with Obama, reaching that far from the left. He then brings up ethanol subsidies - and ending them. That's good. Do people care? Probably not. Ethanol is a joke. But it's not a voting issue. BTW: guys named Ethan aren't "ol" that.

Obama agrees with McCain again! That's three.

Okay - might I add, that this means nothing to me. it's amazing how damn boring this is.

Someone has to step up and kick ass. If I were up there, i'd tear off my shirt and wrap it around Jim Lehrer's head. And then kiss him passionately until he renounced NPR.

It's an odd strategy, but it would work. (see the Bible).


Obama mentions Iraq -- thank God. Get to the meat.

McCain nails Barack on fuel. Nuclear!! Nuclear! I can spell it, but I can't pronounce it.

Obama has the greatest ears. His right ear, specifically. I don't want the left ear to get angry, but the right ear rocks.

THEY'RE TALKING SPENDING! Finally.

McCain talks taxes better - low taxes, spending restraint - is what works. You can't beat that recipe. It's like butterscotch cookies. (I dare you to find a better cookie).

Obama says it's Bush's fault over the orgy of spending. He's right. But McCain voted 90 percent. Which actually isn't a lot. Obama is 100 percent liberal. I really hate math.

McCain has to lose that "miss congeniality" line. it's tired. He brings up Palin. Kind of a weak line. He needs to ignore handlers and get pissed off.

JIM FINALLY ASKS A LESSON IN IRAQ QUESTION...

MCCAIN - kicks ass on this. we are winning. We have created a democracy. Defeat would have been certain if it were up to Obama. How will Obama respond?

OBAMA - Addresses the origins of the war. Calls it a distraction. He talks about what has happened in the past (lives lost, and money lost - money first), but not the future. He can't bear to admit that he could be presiding, as president, over a decisive win in Iraq. Wow. He would oppose a winning war. Weird!!

MCCain nails Obama on not going to Afghanistan (did i spell it correctly? I am drunk).

OBAMA admits McCain is RIGHT AGAIN about the progress in Iraq. That's five times i think! (I can't count)

Now he says McCain is wrong, but about a war that ends up being right. He sees the trees, but not the forest. Obama has to let go, and admit, "I'm in a country that did something amazing in Iraq."

McCain just said what i wrote. I should run for president. Or to the bathroom.

Am back...now.

Obama can't get bogged down over the war, but he is. He has to admit that we won a war..."we" being the United States. Why can't he? Why is it a problem? My gut feeling is that the US, in his circle of friends, is always the oppressor, and in that role, you can never be seen as good.

McCain is cleaning his clock. Fact: Obama was in the camp, the beloved clan of the Huffpo and Daily Kos, that wanted Iraq to be lost. And it wasn't. So he looks stupid. His ego can't handle it.

Obama is talking poppies! I love poppies! Lay off the poppies. Without them, i'd be sitting in the bathroom shooting up with nothing!!!

Just kidding. Don't do drugs kids. (at least in bathrooms)

(side note: McCain needs to lose the comb-over)

Obama is going hawkish, but he SAYS MCCAIN IS RIGHT AGAIN...TWICE (number six and seven).

Sometimes I feel like Obama has just studied for a test, and this is an oral exam. He doesn't believe it, he just knows the right answers. (Sometimes I also feel like a woman in a man's body. But that's neither here nor there.)

McCain is talking about his record in national security issues, and so far, so good. But I feel weird when he brings up the bracelet. Don't bring that up. Am I wrong? Maybe I am. oh wait - Obama now shows his bracelet. This is the problem with bracelets.

Oh - the ice machine just made more ice!!

Anyhoo, I want a leader who wants to win wars- especially when you're winning them.

McCain is nailing him on this Afghanistan thing. I never liked Canada.

NEW QUESTION: IRAN!

McCain is on top of this - quashing Iran - because despite being incompetent, they are dangerous. Or vice versa. Or versa vice. You retort, I'll decide.

Obama is saying the Iraq war is helping Iran. Obvy! WHoa - he agreed with McCain AGAIN (8th time, people). this is the story of the debate: Obama agrees with McCain on EVERYTHING. So Obama should be McCain's Secretary of State.
Or vice versa. Or versa vice.

McCain is now finally hitting Obama on his desire to sit down with dictators and creeps like Ahmadinijad. This is good. I hope Andy Levy is listening (he's Jewish).

You don't sit down with anyone until they need to sit down with you. I learned this at the prom (see above).

Preconditions are everything, champ!! Even at the prom!

Obama is responding - saying he can meet with anyone if it means keeping America safe. Without preconditions. But no tea. Tea is wrong.

He's skating around what he said earlier - that he would meet with the Iranian nutbag.
I bet he wishes he never said that, and I'm not a betting fellow. Or, a fellow.

McCain refutes Obama's claim about Kissinger saying we should meet with Ahmadinijad.

(god, can we get off this topic, so i can stop typing his name).

McCain brings up height difference between north and south Koreans. all i know is, at five foot six, I'm deeply disturbed. And short.

McCain is wasting Obama on the topic. Wasting.

When McCain mocks Obama about perhaps meeting with that Iran idiot to discuss the possibility of a second Holocaust, he revealed the difference between both candidates. One candidate is postmodern enough to discuss the topic, the other, not-so-much. It was pretty funny.

NEW QUESTION: RUSSIA. THE GREATEST COUNTRY!!!

(At this point, I am taking a break to make brownies.)


I notice that the comments to this blog are reaching 100, which is the limit. so maybe i'll start a new blog. This is a good time, since Russia is a nice place, and if you haven't been there, you should go!!

McCain is right on Ukraine. I was drinking with some Ukrainians, and they expect Russia to take them over soon. But get this - they DIDN'T CARE! To them, Russia, is the angry parent.

Obama AGREES AGAIN (TEN).

Obama makes a point about noticing Russian peacekeepers - in Georgia. I didn't know that. If he's right about that, then you have to give it to him. Because no one else noticed.

Did they? I'm too drunk to Google.

i'm not starting a new blog. we've got a few minutes left.

McCain is holding up better than I thought. But Obama, you must admit, is smoother than smooth.

OKAY - LAST QUESTION - FINALLY - TERRORISM - THE MOST IMPORTANT DAMN QUESTION OF THE NIGHT!!

Will there be another 9/11?

(weird question, cuz you'd think it would be stupid for anyone to try to do it on that date, again. or, is it?)

Both agree we are safer than before. So pat on the back for Bush.

Funny - Bush solved the biggest problem we've encountered, so far.

Obama mentioned "root cause," but correctly, finally.


Wait. Obama just mentioned how "we" are perceived in the world, and how that affects terror. "We are less respected now." That statement betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of the world. Terrorists will not stop blowing you up, because they "respect" you. Terrorists will not stop killing innocent people because they "like" you.

They want to kill you, because you are NOT THEM.

Terrorism is the tool to create heaven on earth for a group of fundamental nuts. The fact that they like you or not, has nothing to do with it.

If anything, they leave you alone - if you kill them.

McCain nailed the ending.

That last question revealed Obama's true weakness: He's a post-modern president - afraid of identifying evil, preferring rather to focus on how America is perceived by the people who want us dead.

That's a little scary, at least to me.

I'm done. See me tomorrow on Fox and Friends.

Wave, and I'll wave back!