So it`s only two months until Barack Obama becomes our 44th president, and hotels in DC are already posting no-vacancy signs. People are frantically looking for places to stay, as well as tickets to see this historic event. Some people predict that the number of people gathering at the inauguration could be up to four million – and that`s not including celebrities like Beyonce, Jimmy Smits and Urkel.

So if you`re a young, single guy who wants to go, but can`t find a place to stay, what do you do?

It`s simple, really: the real purpose of this mass gathering is not to witness history – but to pick up co-eds. The fact is, there has never been a better wing man on the planet than Obama. With his amazing ability to unify everyone under a feel-good notion that you're totally awesome and everything`s going to be peachy keen – he`s like a human version of an ecstasy pill. If you`re for Obama, suddenly making out with someone else whose for Obama is totally okay!

Which is why, when Obama talks about change, he`s really saying "Let`s change ...into something more comfortable."

To young, nubile college co-eds especially - simply saying you`re in DC as part of the "advance team of volunteers" is enough to get you to first - possibly even second - base. If you add that you`re in charge of managing the arriving contingent of Homeless Crack Babies for Change, I personally guarantee you fifth base.

So, basically, you don`t need a place to stay – just pick any chick in a college sweatshirt and you`ve got a dorm room to yourself.

However, if this doesn`t work out, I will offer Greg`s Special Inauguration package. For just $39.95 a night, you can stay in my humble abode, with me, while we watch the event together in bed. True, you will miss out on the Lincoln Memorial, and its delightful reflecting pools.

But that`s okay. I have a slip n' slide in the basement. And it doesn't run on water.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.